Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Do-It-Yourself Seasonal Update Letter

We’ve been getting a crazy amount of seasonal update letters this year. They are all pretty personalized and involved and go far beyond the amount of information given by our home this year (which usually consists of that we hope they enjoy a happy holidays and that our card has been sent with love).

But ’tis the season of giving, and with that in mind, I am creating a do-it-yourself seasonal update letter that can be used for next year and for every year afterwards.

You don’t have to thank me, I am happy to give this out to everyone.

Until I copyright it later this week. Then I expect royalties.

Dear [Plural Noun],

We hope you’re having a(n) [Non-Offensive “Seasonal” Adjective] season. We can’t believe that [National Holiday] is here again already! It’s been such a(n) [Blandly Positive Adjective] year, one filled with many happy [Generic Plural Noun] and exciting [Less-Generic Plural Noun].

I have been quite busy with my position as [Over-Inflated Noun] at [Proper Noun]. I worked hard to move from [Somewhat Impressive Noun] to [More Impressive Noun], and am enjoying the position even though it brings with it an extra level of [Noun]. It’s so great to finally be [Verb]-ing [Plural Noun] after so many years of hard [Noun].

My wife has been [Adjective] balancing her work [Noun] with her home [Noun]. Her work is always [Impressive-Sounding Adjective], and yet, she never ceases to [Even More Impressive-Sounding Verb] us with her ability to also keep our house running [Super-Duper Impressive-Sounding Adverb]. We don’t know how she finds enough [Plural Noun] in the [Noun] to do it all, but we’re [Adjective] that she does!

Our oldest [Noun] is now [Number] and loves attending [Proper Name] School. His/Her [Noun] says that he/she is the [Impressive-Sounding Adjective] [Singular Noun] in the entire [Generic Noun]. He/She is also plays [Musical Instrument, Or Drums] and is having much fun with [Colorful-Sounding Hobby Substituting For Real-Life Direction]. And whenever you need to find him/her, he/she can usually be found [Verb]-ing with friends or [Verb]-ing in front of the [Household Appliance].

Our newest addition to the [Noun] was born on [Date] and was [Number] pounds but is [Non-Radioactive Verb]-ing bigger with each new [Noun]. He/she is finally [Totally Basic Verb]-ing through the [Noun] and [Totally Basic Verb]-ing solid [Plural Noun]. He/She also loves to [Slightly More Advanced Verb] his/her big brother/sister [Verb] all around and is [Slightly More Advanced Verb]-ing new things every day.

We feel so [Quasi-Spiritual Adjective] to have such a(n) [Indiscretely Modest Adjective] family and are so grateful that [Religious Spiritual Being, Or The Politically-Correct Equivalent] has brought us so much [Quasi-Spiritual Noun] and [Peacenik Noun] to our loving [Noun].

Here’s to a(n) [Adjective] [Noun] and a(n) [Adjective] New [Noun]!


The [Plural Noun]

No comments:

Post a Comment